My pain

I don't know who will read this, I don't really care it's a way for me to bring a journal with me that I can get to from anywhere know this befor you continue reading this is where my hurt my wants my faliures and my pain will go I have an msn my space called Magnus's fortress if you find it you will see the stuff that comprizes who I am but I can say that you will really only see my hurt side on this log that said here is my first post.

How does one know when they have screwed something up that could have possibly been the best thing of their life (short as mine has been so far) is it from that sinking feeling you get when you hear their name that tear you shed when you talk to them or that need to see them when you know you can't or hold them or even touch them for that matter or are those signs of just missing what you once had I really don't know anymore.

I have heard it said that behind every great man is a woman I found out why that cleche phrase has been around for so long Because it's very very true I found this out from her because befor her I was not going anywhere I had been with people who were going nowhere were gonna just settle down and die off in the city I come from but not her and it sparked an imagination in me that I had lost to working in a dead end job and now I am here in Vancouver and as of a few days ago I was working with Tom Welling.

Befor her if you asked me where I saw myself I would have said one of two things "here somewhere" or "I really don't know" so to go from nothing to a carrer goal in under a year sounds pretty amazing right...and right there is where I realize what I screwed up and badly I just droped the person who made me who I am Ya sure I had the ability to do it but i never had the motivation...the key, she did and after I got going it was as if I just tossed her to the side mabye it was because we became different people mabye it was because of hurt she caused that I couldn't forgett because of my father but whatever it was I pulled the plug but she didn't crash and burn like those I knew in the past, I did I ran away I got a new life to forgett about the old one I died inside.

my work got me going though and made me happy so mabye it was the right choice mabye we will both do better apart and on the topic of good choices she made one to reamain single for a year hard to do but comendible understand this above everything else past and present tense I have the utmost respect for this Woman because of her character it has taught me much all I can hope is she knows that because of how weak my character still is, it may not show easily